Communicating & Today's Events

In today's "Purpose Driven Life" devotional, Jon Walker writes about communication and relationships. In relationships the failure to communicate can be extremely frustrating. But, the failure to commune leads us to despair. Communication is usually about sharing information – at its most basic level, the transmitting and receiving of meanings. Communion, however, is about sharing life. It’s about knowing and being known, caring and being cared for on a deep and personal basis. Perhaps the most pressing need each of us has is to know that we are fully known and yet still deeply loved; that, despite our failures and weaknesses, regardless of our successes and strengths, we are still unconditionally loved.

How important it has been to communicate my feelings to others. To share my fears, worries, and joys. My heart has been torn and then mended. My tears have been shed and then wiped away. God has heard me as I communicate and even more as I share my life. Anyone who has read this blog has heard me and cared for me and for that I am so grateful.

Today, is just another Friday, but at the same time events may happen that will give us another piece of the puzzle of our lives. At 1:30 Eastern time today, there will be a pre-trial status conference. Nothing may happen other than a meeting; but then again we could hear that the trial is postponed, there may be talk of a plea bargain, or we may hear that we are moving ahead. It affects us in a part of our life but strangely enough it also doesn't affect us. We have no control over the events of today. But God knows and we need to hold on to that thought. Last night I spoke to my sister and to a new Pastor we have at church. I told them both that the trial itself changes nothing. Tonia is gone. She is in Heaven waiting to greet us when we come home to God for all eternity. No trial, no sentence, no waiting to hear will bring her back or change our lives. So in a way today's events really don't have anything to do with the rest of our lives as we continue to put together our "new normal". But at the same time today does affect our thoughts (and especially my stomach)as I process the idea of sitting through a trial or hearing that it has been postponed and knowing that we have to wait patiently for a new date. What a mixture of emotions. One moment I am reveling in the joy and peace I am feeling from God and then next I am in the pits of despair over my own insecurities and frustrations. My rock through everything is my faith in God and my relationship with Jesus Christ as my savior. After this life is over I know that I will be spending eternity is the loving presence of my Father in heaven with my family around me. No more worries, no more tears but the deepest joy that makes me want to run and shout and lead a conga line around the gates of Heaven. I get a glimpse of this joy and I hold onto the feeling as hard as I can.

So today, as we wait for the events to unfold, everyday life goes on. I have an appointment to get my hair cut, I am seeing some dear friends and having dinner with my son. The sun is shining and for now I rest in the moment.

I wish you a day full of hugs!

Joy

Yesterday our son turned 21! Wow. The years have slipped by so quickly. He is turning out to be a great young man and I am so proud of how he is responding to all of the challenges in our life. I love you sweetheart!

Yesterday, God also gave me a glimpse into a familiar place. I was at church for a meeting yesterday afternoon and I found myself running to get some tasks accomplished and then dancing to a song going in the background. I found a piece of joy that I have dearly missed. Someone looked at me and said "Kathy you are dancing!" I responded by saying that I feel that a part of me has come back. I have know other moments of joy in the last 7 months but yesterday it felt very spontaneous and freeing and right! The heavens were praising God and I was joining in the celebration. God has been, is right now and will continue to be worthy of all of my praise and adoration. He has given me strength and peace and prayer warriors who have bathed us in prayer. Thank you Father.

Rick & I had the opportunity to go out to dinner last night with 3 other couples from our church. It was a sweet time of fellowship and fun. The subject of Tonia's death eventually came up and I was able to share with them without breaking down into tears. I was shaky but able to share. This is a victory only because I know that I will be sharing with others and I need to know I can communicate without falling apart.

So yesterday was a testament to God's grace to us once again. It was a good day! Joy and peace are gifts from God and I will cherish them!

Waiting and Trusting

As we wait to hear about all of the legal ramifications in our daughter's death it reminds me of all of the times that God told people to wait and trust in him. Waiting seems to be God's way of telling us to trust him to be in control, to know the best possible thing that can happen in our situations. But my human side cries out to hurry up, take care of this, give me an answer and even, what is taking so long? Patience has never been one of my stronger gifts so God has really had to work on this part of my life. But amazingly something else has occured while I am waiting; I have slowed down enough to hear God's voice! His voice that tells me, "I will never leave you or forsake you" and "for I know the plans I have for you". It is His voice that gives me peace on nights that I have trouble sleeping and His voice that says I share in your tears, I will comfort you. Without God in my life I do not know where I would turn to for strength.

So as we wait, we wait with God's arms around us, holding us very close.

Do you know the God I am talking about?