In God's Time

This morning I have been thinking about everything that has happened over the last 6+ months. God has been teaching me so much about myself and some of it has been very hard to learn. In this time of waiting he has been refining me to depend only on Him, everything else has faded away. My life used to be so structured and full of stuff to get done and stuff to do. The stuff I used to define my life around are no longer available but God is! So we become very dependent and very vulnerable. I have been looking for a new job and when I started I thought, I can find a job in a heartbeat, well it has been a month and a half and 22 applications later and still nothing. It is frustrating to wait but God has something very special in mind. We are also waiting for all the legal stuff to begin. Not knowing when the other shoe will drop and try to pull us into the whirlpool has driven the control freak in me absolutely crazy. Once again I hear God saying, do you trust me to provide the strength you need? All I can do is to open up my hands and release everything to Him.

The hardest times for me are the mornings because I wake up and I want everything to be back to "normal". I want to be able to pick up the phone and call Tonia and JC to see if they are okay and are we going to make plans to get together. Tonia and I were supposed to start getting together once or twice a month to make cards. I have bought all of the stamping sets and we had talked about this being our mom - daughter time together. We set a date to get together on Wednesdays. I have made a bunch of cards since she died but for now the passion has been dampened. I have all of my supplies waiting because one day I am going to wake up and want to make cards again. But once again God has said, take time to rest in me. This is a time to become more of who I want you to be. Trust Me!

So this morning as I have been reading my devotional and talking to God, I am quietly resting, waiting and trusting. I know I do not understand but I have a relationship with God that I can depend upon. So this morning I open my heart, my ears and my hands and I release the impatience, the doubts and the frustrations. God, they are yours! Thank you for being my Abba Father who cares so much for me that you would carry me through this time of sorrow and confusion.