Happy Birthday my sweet girl

Tonia,
At 4:22 am on August 29, 1981 you took your first breath and let everyone know you had arrived. Our friends Bo & Christy were in the waiting room. They had followed us to the hospital; Bo panicked and called an ambulance to meet us on the highway. We pulled into the emergency room driveway and the nurses were waiting with a wheelchair. They explained that the wheelchair was for an emergency delivery coming in so they would quickly take me into the labor and delivery room but they had to hurry back. I starting laughing between contractions and explained that my friends had called for an ambulance but that I was okay. They looked over at Bo's car as he sheepishly walked over. They grinned at me and gently helped me into the wheelchair. Just a few hours later you entered the world. I remember how overwhelmed I felt when I finally got to hold you. My heart somehow had left my body and embedded itself into yours. I didn't know I could love so intensely and be so proud to be your mom. I cherish every memory that I have: Your first smile, singing to you while making Lolly Dolly dance, taking you to Indiana Dunes State Park, watching you start to crawl and then walk.

I miss you so very much. I miss singing with you. I even miss our fights! I miss hearing you say I love you. I miss teaching you to dance. I miss watching chick flicks while your Daddy and Sean just put up with us!

Sweetheart, you will always be in my heart. I know that you are in Heaven singing with the choir and rocking the babies. No more hurts, no more tears. So I would never wish you back into this life! But I miss you so much today and I want you to hear me sing Happy Birthday. Your Aunt Leslie is singing the Beatles birthday song to you. Can't you hear her: today is your birthday, we're gonna have a good time!

Happy 28th Birthday. I hope you love the purple carnations and the butterfly that I am taking to the cemetery. They make me smile!

I love you honey!
Mom

Lessons of Life/ God's Strength

Tonight I have been thinking about events of the last several days, months and years. I am grateful that God has been carrying me and giving me strength as I know that I cannot experience or survive life without His mighty strength and love. If you are from Pittsburgh or have seen the news, the shooting at the LA Fitness center is already known to you. A sweet lady, Betsy, that I knew from the hospital was one of the women killed. Betsy was sassy and vibrant and full of life. She will be missed by so many people in her life. When I heard her name mentioned on the news I thought it couldn't have been her. Things like this just don't happen. Not here, not now.

I became very discouraged, very hurt, very confused about why people I know keep dying in such tragic ways. So many losses, so many families forever changed. God why are these violent acts and senseless tragedies happening? Then I remembered this verse: John 16:33"....in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

God knew that we will lose friends and family members. He knew that we would experience trials of many kinds. This world was never meant to be our home. It is flawed and full of sin. I sin. I try not to but I do. There is sin in this world and because of it tragedies happen. Young adults are killed in car accidents, a friend becomes a widow too soon, friends are killed in a senseless rampage, loved ones die from diseases, and daughter's are murdered in their home. This is not my home! I will be going home to a place that is filled with love. Radiant, eternal, undeserved love!

While I am here in this temporary home I have choices to make: I can either become depressed, anxious and afraid to care or to live or I can choose to live out the moments that God gives to me. Not afraid to proclaim that I love God. Not afraid to feel emotions. Willing to dance when my spirit is filled with joy and willing to cry when my heart hurts. I will never understand why these tragedies happen but I can choose to wake up tomorrow and maybe hug someone who hasn't been hugged in a very long time! God has given me today. I accept this gift for today!

May God bless you with hugs, love, laughter and friends.