Communicating & Today's Events

In today's "Purpose Driven Life" devotional, Jon Walker writes about communication and relationships. In relationships the failure to communicate can be extremely frustrating. But, the failure to commune leads us to despair. Communication is usually about sharing information – at its most basic level, the transmitting and receiving of meanings. Communion, however, is about sharing life. It’s about knowing and being known, caring and being cared for on a deep and personal basis. Perhaps the most pressing need each of us has is to know that we are fully known and yet still deeply loved; that, despite our failures and weaknesses, regardless of our successes and strengths, we are still unconditionally loved.

How important it has been to communicate my feelings to others. To share my fears, worries, and joys. My heart has been torn and then mended. My tears have been shed and then wiped away. God has heard me as I communicate and even more as I share my life. Anyone who has read this blog has heard me and cared for me and for that I am so grateful.

Today, is just another Friday, but at the same time events may happen that will give us another piece of the puzzle of our lives. At 1:30 Eastern time today, there will be a pre-trial status conference. Nothing may happen other than a meeting; but then again we could hear that the trial is postponed, there may be talk of a plea bargain, or we may hear that we are moving ahead. It affects us in a part of our life but strangely enough it also doesn't affect us. We have no control over the events of today. But God knows and we need to hold on to that thought. Last night I spoke to my sister and to a new Pastor we have at church. I told them both that the trial itself changes nothing. Tonia is gone. She is in Heaven waiting to greet us when we come home to God for all eternity. No trial, no sentence, no waiting to hear will bring her back or change our lives. So in a way today's events really don't have anything to do with the rest of our lives as we continue to put together our "new normal". But at the same time today does affect our thoughts (and especially my stomach)as I process the idea of sitting through a trial or hearing that it has been postponed and knowing that we have to wait patiently for a new date. What a mixture of emotions. One moment I am reveling in the joy and peace I am feeling from God and then next I am in the pits of despair over my own insecurities and frustrations. My rock through everything is my faith in God and my relationship with Jesus Christ as my savior. After this life is over I know that I will be spending eternity is the loving presence of my Father in heaven with my family around me. No more worries, no more tears but the deepest joy that makes me want to run and shout and lead a conga line around the gates of Heaven. I get a glimpse of this joy and I hold onto the feeling as hard as I can.

So today, as we wait for the events to unfold, everyday life goes on. I have an appointment to get my hair cut, I am seeing some dear friends and having dinner with my son. The sun is shining and for now I rest in the moment.

I wish you a day full of hugs!

The Presence of God

As we wait for another chapter in our lives to unfold in the near future, I am surrounded by the grace and mercy of God. Just when I feel that I can't handle any other emotions or any other changes, God gives me a sense of peace that gets me through that rough moment. I read somewhere that the strongest prayer is not asking for an earthly need but a prayer asking to be brought into the presence of God. Letting go of the control and need to know and instead asking God to dwell within me has been one of the greatest gifts. I only feel God's presence when I truly let go of me and embrace Him. When I struggle to maintain control then I am hurt. My struggle is within me and it even creates problems within my family. We fight over seeing things in a different light and then we have to work our way back to the unity we usually have.

Tonia is with God. Our lives here on this earth are forever changed, a new normal is here to stay. We have had choices to make: to be bitter and angry or to accept what is and find out how we can be used while we are still alive. We can choose to be victims or we can choose to be survivors. We can choose to seek revenge or we can choose to forgive. We can allow the horror to make us cynical and mistrusting or we can choose to believe in the goodness deep within every human being.

I choose to survive, thrive, and to live in the blessing of now! I choose forgiveness, I choose belief in people and I choose LIFE!

I know I will need to read this over and over as circumstances become overwhelming but I will continue to remember that God is merciful and that He is my strength. The light penetrates the darkness every time!

Thank you Abba Father for today and for the promise of eternity.