Legacy

Last Friday our daughter's headstone was placed at her gravesite. I haven't been there to see it yet. It will be a reminder of how final this life is and I am not ready to see it yet. I will be going with purple carnations and some other things to mark her final resting place here on earth. But once more I am reminded that she is not there. She is in Heaven with God and she is singing and dancing and celebrating for all of eternity.

I miss her so much and even though I know that I will see her again some day I forget that she is gone. I find myself thinking that I need to tell her how her puppy Pixie is growing. How I heard a song on the radio that she would love, or I want to call her up to take a walk to see the leaves. This was our favorite time of the year. We loved going to Indiana Dunes State Park to walk among the trees and marvel at the leaves. I miss this time together. Our lives will never be the same.

God has wrapped His arms around us and I can feel His comfort and peace; otherwise I think that I would go crazy with my grief. But he comforts me as I mourn.

This season has been so hard yet I have never felt closer to God.

Tonia, I miss you sweetheart. Dance for joy and my heart will dance with you!

Waiting and Trusting

As we wait to hear about all of the legal ramifications in our daughter's death it reminds me of all of the times that God told people to wait and trust in him. Waiting seems to be God's way of telling us to trust him to be in control, to know the best possible thing that can happen in our situations. But my human side cries out to hurry up, take care of this, give me an answer and even, what is taking so long? Patience has never been one of my stronger gifts so God has really had to work on this part of my life. But amazingly something else has occured while I am waiting; I have slowed down enough to hear God's voice! His voice that tells me, "I will never leave you or forsake you" and "for I know the plans I have for you". It is His voice that gives me peace on nights that I have trouble sleeping and His voice that says I share in your tears, I will comfort you. Without God in my life I do not know where I would turn to for strength.

So as we wait, we wait with God's arms around us, holding us very close.

Do you know the God I am talking about?